“All is fair in love and war”.
A famous statement. But in and of itself it is not entirely accurate. It would be more so if we include a stipulation so that the statement reads “All is fair in the selfish interactions of love and war.” No matter how we view it, the universe is an enormous manifestation of One thing, which manifests as the interaction of opposites. For the purpose of this essay, these interactions can be labeled as Selfish and Selfless.
All is fair in the selfish interactions of love and war because both interactions are concerned with getting something and giving nothing. When it comes to Selfishness, the Ego doesn’t care one iota about the results of its selfish interactions. So by all means, anything is fair game.
When the inhabitants of the world both learn and practice the art of Selflessness and its accompanying actions of giving and receiving, then the world stands a chance of becoming a relatively peaceful and certainly much happier place to be.
On the plane of the selfish human interaction called sex, both selfish parties are trying to get something from the other. Within a selfish sexual relationship where merely “getting off” is the goal, the man is at an advantage here. Men can have orgasms quite quickly because Nature has simply wired them that way, always ready to pop. He can get what he wants generally in a matter of minutes, even seconds. Women are at a distinct disadvantage in selfish sexual relationships because they generally take longer to reach orgasm. Again the thing to keep in mind here is that both parties are simply using the other to get what they want for themselves.
In typical selfish relationships both parties “keep” each other like possessions to which they are bonded. The selfish, uneasy contract between them stipulates that the woman is expected to stay physically beautiful since she is selfish and therefore unconcerned with giving the man real love, much less receiving it. And the man is expected to supply the woman with all kinds of expensive gifts to keep her happy since he is also selfish and therefore unconcerned with giving her real love, much less receiving it. Nearly everyone reading this can remember either having such a relationship or else can recall a couple who behaved in such a manner.
Notice how neither party is aware of anything other than the physical level? They both believe that all the actions they have to perform to please the other are physical actions. Neither ever bothers themselves with anything other than the physical plane, physical actions and physical gifts. So much for expressing emotions or thoughts.
Sadly most relationships and marriages resemble the above descriptions. All of this is little more than an uneasy business-type of bond. And make no mistake that is exactly what marriage is—a bond.
All bonds are sinful (to use a Xtian term) because bonds keep the Soul in bondage.
Marriage is sin of the highest order.
On the physical plane, men dominate with their bodies. Conversely, women are submissive on the physical plane, surrendering their bodies to men. His power is the ability to supply her with physical gifts or rather the withholding of these, within the selfish contract called marriage.
But on the more subtle plane of the Soul, it is the woman who dominates and the man who submits. Her power is one of love and sex, or rather the withholding of love and sex within the selfish contract called marriage.
Round and round it goes, where it stops? Sadness, frustration, bitterness. More and more these days such selfish bonds end in divorce.
As it stands, I currently see absolutely no way to have happy relationships as long as one or both parties are still inherently selfish. It has been practiced in every conceivable way for thousands of years. Honestly, I have never seen a single selfish relationship become a happy marriage.
If I am missing some ingredient here, some key point that can make a selfish relationship work (other than becoming selfless), then I must confess ignorance for I have no idea what it could possibly be.
